Barnabas. 2nd April

I finally bit Vicki. She was willing, came to me as I offered her peace, falling into my arms saying, “please…”
 

I had to still her mind of all the turmoil and appease my long-held desire for her.  I was concerned what she might remember from her time in 1795—had she learned my secret? Vicki’s mind seemed very much to be grasping back into my own time. The present and past were almost in combat for her attention.  She was silent after I loosened myself from her neck and laid her back onto the bed.

"Vicki?” I said quietly, smoothing her hair away from her flushed face. I laid a finger on her cheek- she didn’t appear to have a fever, thankfully. 

“Barnabas?” She opened her eyes. “Oh, I must have fallen asleep. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” I smiled, “You need your rest. How do you feel now?”
 

“I-I don’t know.” She looked at me with curiosity. “What were we talking about before I fell asleep?”
 

“Don’t concern yourself with that now,” I told her gently, “try and get some sleep.”
 

Vicki lay her head back on the pillow and sighed. “Yes, sleep…” and closed her eyes.
 

“Goodnight, Vicki,” I said, relieved that she was now in a more peaceful state of mind.
 

The door opened and Carolyn stood there. “Oh, she’s asleep. You have a good bedside manner, Barnabas!” 
 

I stood up with a wry smile and quietly closed Vicki’s door behind me. 
 

Vicki. 3rd April
 

Barnabas came to see me tonight. He was so worried about me. He seems to believe me when everyone else doesn’t, except Julia.  He had such concern and kindness in his eyes. I had been struggling to sleep, my mind was full of images of the past. Barnabas and I talked for a while. He mentioned something about wanting to bring me peace and said that he could do that. I said I wished he could. His voice was so soothing that I fell asleep. I don’t know how long I slept for, but when I opened my eyes, he was sitting in the chair by my bed watching me.

I told him I was sorry I had fallen asleep. I couldn’t remember what we were talking about.  He was very understanding, and told me to sleep some more and said goodnight.
 

Barnabas. 3rd April
 

Why does Vicki have Angelique’s portrait? I am frightened. This must be a sign that Angelique has found me again. What horrors await me in this century? Will my new family also suffer as my own did nearly 200 years ago? Despite myself, I don’t wish them to come to any harm on my account.
 

Vicki was giving me very strange looks—does she remember what happened between us? She is not under my power like Carolyn; Why? When I asked if I could see her later that night she said no, and I felt a resistance towards me; she appears to be calmer but her manner is cold. I need to see her alone again—soon.
 

Vicki. 3rd April
 

I had a very unsettled night with strange dreams. I feel certain Barnabas was in one of them, standing close to me, his eyes gazing into mine. I don’t understand what he was doing. I feel better than I did yesterday, although I am still confused about what happened to me during the séance. 
 

Barnabas was in the foyer at Collinwood when Mrs. Stoddard and I came back from town. He kept looking at me—his eyes were fixed on me in a way that made me feel uncomfortable.  He can’t know about the dream I had of him, yet he kept looking at me intensely. He wanted to see me later on in the evening, but I told him no. I don’t want to be alone with him right now; he makes me feel uneasy. Why? He’s always been so good to me. 
 

When he saw the painting he started acting strangely and left in a hurry. I don’t understand him right now. He’s even more eccentric than usual.
 

Barnabas. 4th April

In the still of the night I called Vicki to leave her bed and come to me at the Old House. I am waiting by the door as she arrives holding the music box. I shut the door and took the music box out of her hands and put it down on the table. She is standing there waiting for me, wanting me to hold her close.
 

I took her in my arms and lowered my mouth to her sweet neck. The warmth and fragrance of her skin sent shivers of desire through me. My fangs ached to taste her sweetness. I felt a pang of regret, but I need her, as she needs me. We are both in danger should she remember what I am. If Angelique should return and Vicki knows our history.
 

Vicki sighed, leaned into me as I worked at her neck. I let out a small moan at her reaction. When I was sated, I led her to the fireside and lowered her gently into the chair.
 

 As I am knelt there, she opened her eyes and gazed at me with bemusement. 
 

“Barnabas?”
 

“Are you all right, my dear?”
 

“What am I doing here?”
 

“You came to talk to me remember?”
 

“I don’t remember…”  She wrings her hands together.
 

“Never mind that now,” I told her, looking right into her eyes. Her eyes looked right back into mine, and she sighed again. 
 

She leaned forward in the chair and put her hand at the back of my head, stroking my hair.
 

“Barnabas, kiss me...” she said, her voice trembling.
 

I moaned with desire for her again, pulled her close to me and kissed her gently but with passion. She responded, then pulled away.
 

“No! I can’t...I can’t!” she said, and started to cry.
 

“Vicki, what’s wrong?”
 

Doesn’t she want me? Why did she want me to kiss her, then reject me?  I looked away from her and stood to walk away from her a little.
 

It would be so easy to exert my will over her, lead her upstairs to Josette’s room, but I cannot do that to her.  There are some things even I cannot bring myself to do. She must want me as much as I want her, anything else is wrong.
 

I sent her back to Collinwood, desiring her still. I sat in my chair, alone, tormented by thoughts of Vicki, fears of Angelique returning, worrying what Dr. Hoffman might do if she finds out I have bitten Vicki. Will I ever find peace?
 

 Vicki. 4th April
 

I have had another strange dream about Barnabas.
 

In it, I am in the Old House but don’t know why; I am so confused. Barnabas has led me to sit in his chair by the fire. He is looking at me very intently, asking me how I feel. Does he mean about him? He has always liked me, from the moment we first met, I know that, but lately there is a change in his eyes, something that I never have seen before. Was it always there but I hadn’t noticed?
 

He is handsome, that is true, but a lot older than me, older than even Burke.
 

Barnabas is taking my hand. I can’t hear what he is saying, my mind is in all of a haze. His eyes are drawing me in, I find my face inches away from his, I am falling into his gaze.
 

I suddenly wonder what it would be like to kissed by him. I want him to kiss me.
 

“Barnabas, kiss me.” I put my hand at the back of his head, run my fingers through his thick dark hair. I can smell his cologne. It must be a new one he has bought, for I never noticed this before; he smells very nice.
 

He groans and pulls me towards him. His lips are soft and his breath warm. His kiss feels so good. He tastes so good. 
 

NO! 
 

Peter! I love Peter!
 

What am I doing?
 

I pull away from Barnabas's mouth and arms.
 

“Vicki, what’s wrong?”
 

My eyes fill with tears and I move back into the chair. “ No, I can’t, I can’t…” I cry.
 

Barnabas turns away, an unhappy look on his face. He gets up and walks away from me. I am glad; I don’t want to look at him.
 

I close my eyes. Then I awoke in my bed at Collinwood.
 

I was so confused by this dream. 
 

Oh Peter, will I ever see you again? 
 

Barnabas. 5th April

Vicki is remembering too much. She will reveal my secret soon and I can’t allow that. I don’t want to hurt her, for I have deep feelings for her, but only three people know my secret: Dr. Hoffman, Willie and Carolyn. It must stay this way. Dr. Hoffman is becoming a problem to me again—she is a meddlesome woman. She had the audacity to come to The Old House last night and demand that I stay away from Vicki. I warned her that things might get troublesome for her if she exposes what I am. 

How can she understand what I am going through? Vicki knows who Angelique is! If she knows that, she must know what I am. I sent Dr. Hoffman away when she started asking about Angelique. I can’t talk to her about something so painful.
 

“Never mind!” I snapped, and got rid of her quickly. I knew what was to be done.
 

Dr. Hoffman can do nothing to stop Vicki’s memory of 1795 surfacing. I feel certain that Angelique is watching, waiting. I heard her insane laughter when I tried and failed to destroy that portrait.  She is using Vicki to get to me; she might even be planning to come back and harm Vicki as well as myself.  I cannot let Angelique torment me and those around me again! 
 

There is only one way to prevent this. Vicki and I must leave Collinsport—tonight.  
 

I reached out and touched her mind, felt her mind, her thoughts. This time she was more receptive. I told her to go to my portrait and look at it. When she was locked in my eyes I told her I will come for her tonight, that we will go away together.
 

She said she will be waiting for me. 
 

We will start a new life together, away from all the terrible memories. I will take care of her, make her mine.  It is the only way.  She will forget Peter Bradford, I shall see to that. She will want me; I shall care for her and love her.  She will be free of the past and so shall I. Together Vicki and I will find happiness and peace. We must.
 

Vicki. 5th April
 

Barnabas is calling me. I can feel his power and strength; his mind touches mine. I go to the portrait of the first Barnabas Collins. They look so alike. I can hear him talking to me. He wants to protect me from something; I can feel his concern. Does he love me? 
 

He wants to take me away, give me a “new life.” I don’t know what that means, but I must go with him, wherever that may be. He said he will come for me tonight.  I can’t resist him. He is so certain that is what we both need to do—to leave Collinsport.
 

I will be waiting for you Barnabas.